Earlier this week, I sent an email about one of the best decisions I’ve made recently…I hired an executive assistant. We’ve been working together for three months and I’m not sure what took me so long to make this decision. Actually, I do.

We hosted a clothing swap for moms who participated in the Sugar Hill New Mom’s Group that I started six years ago. Towards the end of the event, I was chatting with some of the moms and I said for a while my life felt like it was being run like an under-resourced non-profit; I was serving as the CEO, COO, snack maker, meal prepper, mom, wife, and more. Then I said, “Well until like six months ago.”

When I first became a mother 11 years ago, I remember embarking on this new job with the desire to be perfect–a perfect provider of love, care, and provision. Without truly understanding or appreciating the gig of parenting, I had high expectations for myself in this unfamiliar role.

It’s a miracle this email is landing in your inbox. I’m fresh off a double header weekend wherein I hosted a 6 year old birthday for 25 kids and their adults shortly after hosting our SHMOM Clothes & Toy Swap. Both sets of grandparents were in town and my recently decluttered apartment looks like it did pre-decluttering. But, I’m here! And, I come bearing a very short story about the power of our actions on our children.

Last June, I booked a childless trip for Nick and I to travel to Mexico…without a clear plan for who would be watching our kids. If you read last week’s email, you know that I am an advocate for deciding to decide. Let me offer some context as to what pushed me to move forward with this trip without having all the logistical details in place.

New Year’s Day was the one year anniversary of my father-in-law’s passing. I have experienced other losses over the last few years, but his death hit differently. I was reminded of how fragile life is and how we are not promised tomorrow no matter how old we are.

Yesterday, I hosted an end of year reflection breakfast to give some of my coaching clients an opportunity to reflect on this year and set intentions for 2024. Do you ever take time at the end of the year to reflect on all that happened?

Here I (we?!) are on Christmas Eve scurrying to get everything ready for the morning. Things on my late evening to do mostly include activities that will help keep the lore of Santa and his elves alive for my kids while allowing my sick husband to get better before tomorrow when we'll be looking to him to cook our Christmas meal.

This morning I drove Ila to an 8am track meet because indoor season has begun. If you follow me on Instagram and engage with my Stories, you know my plight as a non-sports person begrudgingly turned dedicated track mom. Being a track mom is something else, I tell ya’. But, I digress.

I keep our family meeting agenda on my phone and I jot down things I see everyone doing that I want to highlight at our meeting. You’d be surprised how quickly you forget all the great things your loved ones do throughout the day.

It's been a while since I've sent a weekly email. I took a nine-month break to write a book proposal! It was a whole moment, y’all. Between the stores, my coaching practice, and the kids and Nick, I had to let the weekly emails go until I finished the proposal. Making that decision was hard, as was writing the proposal (it’s different from writing the actual book). But, it needed to be done.

And now I’m back!

I don’t know what kind of consumer you are. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t like to spend unnecessarily and I always want there to be a return on investment (ROI) for everything I buy whenever possible. How I’ve come to define my ROI has changed over the years. Today, I define ROI as anything that saves me time, improves my quality of life, and/or makes me money.

It has been such an honor to bear witness to folks changing jobs and industries, receiving $40K pay bumps, and launching new businesses. As an Enneagram 2, being helpful is in my nature. Working as a coach helps me do that and I know I would not have gotten here without leaning into being your local ice cream lady. 

We were talking about the parallels between our kids’ transition into the world and how their reactions to transition show up in other areas of their lives and impact our relationships with them. I shared that Nico, our newly minted five year old, transitioned into the world with forthrightness, clarity, and adamance. And, nothing has changed. His commitment to his vision often gives me agita when he wants something to be in a way that I cannot execute or fix.

Death is a mother. There’s nothing like it to make you appreciate all that you have and remind you of what is important. We’ve all been coping and holding space for our feelings as we acclimate to the new reality of his dad not being with us. It’s going to take some getting used to.

As we all prepare for 2023, you might be thinking about your plans for the new year…you know…what you’ll start, what you’ll stop, and what you look forward to bringing into fruition.

While I did love these lines when I first read them, I don’t feel they are true for everyone. Having babies for love alone and to be the center of said transmission of love, is not enough. As mothers, we are stewards of life, which often requires more love out than in. This level of sacrifice isn’t right for everyone and that is 100% ok.

I have learned so much about myself over these last 10 years. The 2012 version of me and the 2022 version of me are delightfully different. I have both challenged and embraced parts of how I was parented. I have challenged myself on the right ways to parent. And, I am learning more about how to parent our first child and her siblings in ways that honor their unique personalities, interests, and growing edges.

With marathons (and anything) it’s easy to dismiss the desire to push yourself to a limit most wouldn’t dare approach.

As I ponder this question of how to truly be present for our children, I’m really asking, “How can I use my time to steward the life of these people that came from me but who are not me?” I feel like the answer is a suspension of myself and my desire to control everything in their lives to be just so. It is a discipline to not put up a wall between me and them when the emotions are high between us or when they do things that are exactly a reflection of the less attractive parts of me.