The Importance of Being Present

I’ve been thinking a lot about presence and what that means between a parent and their child.

As parents, are we being present if we prioritize taking our kids to and from school? Is presence making sure that you can attend their middle of the day school functions? Or, is it making sure that you are giving them your undivided attention when they’re talking? Is presence mostly about physical proximity or is it bigger than that?

I went to dinner this weekend with some girlfriends who happen to also be moms. I asked them to define what being a present parent means to them. In everyone’s reflection, they recounted how they were raised to explain how they were showing up for their kids in different and similar ways to their parents. Many of the reflections focused on presence being a lot about the physical proximity to their kids.

Me with the kids at some point last year.

As I ponder this question of how to truly be present for our children, I’m really asking, “How can I use my time to steward the life of these people that came from me but who are not me?” I feel like the answer is a suspension of myself and my desire to control everything in their lives to be just so. It is a discipline to not put up a wall between me and them when the emotions are high between us or when they do things that are exactly a reflection of the less attractive parts of me.

If you ask some parents why they wanted to have kids, the answers focus on the activities you get to do with kids throughout their lives or the feeling they believe they’ll have as a result of having this small person to experience life with. Of course, others do it because society says you should. Rarely do you hear people answer that it’s because they wanted to steward a life. I mean that’s a humongous job that requires so, so much sacrifice, deep observation, action and, well…presence.

I think it’s a lot easier to "perform" parenting than it is to truly parent. In my almost 10 years on being a mother, I have come to see parenting as an act that is equal parts self-reflective autocorrecting and actively observing the social and emotional needs of the child in a way that doesn’t stifle or control, but guides them as they grow.

I’m not sure that I have a concluding thought on this topic. It’s something I’ve been thinking a lot about as I try to more clearly define it for myself on this motherhood journey.

Have a great week ahead.

Petrushka

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