Perfect Parenting

When I first became a mother 11 years ago, I remember embarking on this new job with the desire to be perfect–a perfect provider of love, care, and provision. Without truly understanding or appreciating the gig of parenting, I had high expectations for myself in this unfamiliar role.

Many of us approach parenting with similar expectations. We don’t want our kids to want for anything. We want to give them the best of everything. And why wouldn’t we? There are few people in the world we love more than these tiny humans. 

January 2017 -- the day of our third child Nico's birth and day one of working for myself

Giving our kids the best can look like stressing ourselves out about what school they’ll go to…in PreK. It can look like throwing them the most memorable birthday party, curating perfect weekend activities, or making sure they have the current gadget, toy, or device so they’re not the odd one out among their friends. 

In all of these gestures where we strive to control the environment and outcomes for our kids, we are protecting them from feeling pain. We rush to their rescue or orchestrate the most favorable terms for them because we don’t want them to hurt or feel lost or feel any lack.

And, while this is completely understandable (our job is to serve and protect after all), this level of protection from struggle is antithetical to the concept of perfect parenting. 

Perfect parenting is an acceptance of imperfection. It is the understanding that our kids will not have everything they want when they want it. They won’t get our undivided attention at all times. They will feel pain and they will struggle. Perfect parenting is the admission that we will not always be able to save them from the world or themselves. It is the understanding that the only thing we are in control of is how we respond to them and the circumstances that surround them. 

Please enjoy this video Ila and I made a couple years ago about doing "the thing." 😆

Many of us were socialized to pursue careers that pay well. Job pay begets a parent’s ability to provide for their family and thus become a perfect parent. But job pay shouldn’t keep anyone tethered to a job that drains them. Let it be said that there is a difference between being tired and needing a slight reset at work and doing work that is soul draining. In any case, often the money and the health insurance are what keep people shackled because they need to deliver on the expectation of perfect parenting and perfect provision.

I argue that the ramifications of a child witnessing a professionally unsettled parent who is not happy about how they are spending their working hours has a larger negative impact than being able to provide that same child all of the material trappings that the job allows.

The cost of staying in a work setting that is stripping you is more expensive than you realize.

If you or someone you know needs out of their work situation and is looking for thought partnership, support, and accountability, let’s find time to speak.

When I left my job to join Sugar Hill Creamery full-time six months after we opened, I left my six-figure salary for a $30,000 combined income. It was the happiest I had been in my adult working life. To be in charge of how I spent my time and have the opportunity to do it with my family, even if I was exhausted from having just delivered my third child, was worth its weight in gold. Sure, we couldn’t do all the things we did before we opened the store, but six years later living on more than what we started on, I know we are all so much better for enduring the pain that went with that sacrifice.

Don’t be afraid to switch things up because you’re afraid of the discomfort you might experience as a result. We are all better off being comfortable with discomfort; it’s how we grow.

With love,

Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach

P.S. If you tried to RSVP for the SHMOM Spring picnic and were unable because it was sold out, fret not! We will send a new link closer to the time to get a more accurate RSVP. There is no cap on the event. The more, the merrier!