The Parent Development Meeting

This week I was able to attend two meetings at Ila, Zadie, and soon Nico’s school. The first is called a Parent Development Meeting and it’s held weekly on Tuesday mornings. I’m usually not able to make it because of my teaching schedule, but this week was CUNY’s spring break, so I attended.
 
The Parent Development Meeting is kind of like our New Mom’s Group but for parents of kids of all ages. We sit in a circle with the head of school and talk about the things that are on our hearts regarding our children. From screen time and cellphone usage to eating habits to building confidence in preteen girls, no topic is off limits.

A picture of our parent circle at the Tuesday Parent Development Meeting that is held in the school's library.

The second meeting was on Wednesday evening and it was for new families attending the school. We’re not a new family but since Nico will be joining his sisters in the fall, I wanted to meet parents who are planning to send their kids to his class. At the end of the New Family Orientation, we parents found ourselves in a circle again. 
 
The head of school had us blindly pick one card from a deck of cards. Each card had a handwritten word; mine said, “separation.” The head of school asked me what ideas came to mind when I thought about the concept of separation. I took a deep breath and looked up at the cafegymatorium ceiling to hone in on my thoughts. I said, “autonomy and a sense of agency.” This got the conversation going. Other parents reflected on how their children were the embodiment of separation because of their independent spirits. But, as we discussed what separation truly means for us and our children, we came back to this concept of autonomy and more specifically, a child’s physical and emotional sense of autonomy to act in our absence.  
 
From this conversation, I learned that creating a foundation of connection between us and our child(ren) creates an incredible savings account for them as they get older. When we drop our children off at a playdate, we may label them as independent because of their ease to separate from us. There’s nothing wrong with this and there’s also nothing wrong if they need a little more time with us before they separate. Each of our children vary in the amount of connection they need with their adults. In a culture of rush, rush, rush, it’s easy to be frustrated by our children’s inability to separate from us when we need them to. 
 
I am the first to get a little antsy by the concept of my kids needing me more than I think they should. But, this conversation got me thinking – if one of my kids needs me to walk with them to the bathroom or they need me to read to them even though they can already read, this isn’t neediness. This is a call for connection. By making the decision to connect with them in the way they are asking me to without frustration, I am making deposits into the savings account that they will withdraw from in adulthood.

The head of school said that to be able to show up for our kids in this way, we need to make arrangements in our own schedules to be there for them.

If the thought of this sounds exhausting, examine the following:

• How are you currently using your time? Download my time tracking coloring sheet to log and reflect on your use of time this week.

• Ask yourself if you are carving out enough time for self-care. Self-care can take the form of meditation, prayer, walks through nature, exercise, proper eating, sleep, massage, reading, monotasking, and anything else that you can do alone that simultaneously brings you joy and pours into your energy tank. I have found that I am more exhausted about being emotionally and physically present for my kids when I have not deposited enough time for my emotional and physical self-care.

Here's the time log that I made for folks to track their time. It's a coloring sheet because coloring is fun. I just re-printed mine this week because I wanted to re-audit my time and reflect on how I was using it while I was on my CUNY spring break. Download yours here if you want to take stock of your time.

As I have shared in many past New Mom’s Group sessions, to "mother" is a commitment to being withdrawn from like an ATM. The only way the process of motherhood is sustainable is if we are making deposits into ourselves.

Work can be an obstacle to our self-care. Sometimes an imbalance in our domestic labor at home is the catalyst. Or, maybe we just aren’t in the practice of making deposits into ourselves. If the latter is the case, make a list of ten things that you can do for yourself and by yourself, that you look forward to, and that bring you joy. Try to cycle through these activities every two weeks. Rinse, and repeat.
 
Let’s all remember that these early years are pivotal for building our kids’ foundations for connection and ultimately, separation. But, let’s also remember that we have to be actively taking care of ourselves to be able to show up for them when they need us.
 
If you need support figuring out how to balance all of the things, I am happy to help. I am an email away.

Have a great week!

Petrushka

**Subscribe to my email list to receive similar content like this. I’m looking forward to connecting with you.