The Value of Being Present
As parents, many of us spend a good portion of our adult lives making sure our kids have everything they need. From the right diapers to the right education, from the right kinds of foods to the right extracurricular activities, we invest a good portion of our time researching the best and right things for our kids. Then we structure our lives to be able to provide the best of everything to them while they live under our roofs.
Many of us think that by providing the best, we are showing the child love–by dressing them well, they are loved; by making sure they have the best birthday party, they are loved; by making their food from scratch, they are loved. While these actions can communicate our affinities for our children, the best way we can show them love is by being mentally and emotionally present for them.
This photo was taken in 2016 when our little Zadie (our middle child who just turned six) was just a baby and I was commuting an hour to an hour to fifteen minutes each way to work. It was a great job, but ultimately it wasn't the right fit for my lifestyle needs.
These thoughts are coming to you this weekend on the heels of celebrating our middle child’s sixth birthday. When I decided to commit to being my own employer, I made this decision because I wanted to have time to better connect with our kids, to know them better and not just on the weekends when I was recouping from the work week. I wanted the opportunity to be with them in the morning, in the afternoon, and evening, if I wanted. During the week, I was on autopilot commuting to daycare and then to my desk. At the end of the day, I was rushing to wrap things up, take care of pick up, and then head home to possibly log on to work work again after bedtime. The result was a life organized by and centered around my work obligations. Life today is still buoyed by work, but I have the flexibility to structure my days so that I can take in our children and better know them.
I made monetary sacrifices when I first decided to work for myself. But, I made them with the clear understanding that the time to be able to listen and get to know our children outweighed a larger paycheck. One day I’ll share how this decision led to me discovering two different developmental needs for our eldest kids that I am confident I would have missed without this changed pace in life.
Just a regular afternoon outside of the Lenox store and Trintage, the store that makes me feel like a cool mom every time I leave.
I don’t share these reflections to convince you of also leaving your current jobs for a 180 on your professional life. I share them to highlight a few things:
If you are in a job that you love but that doesn’t love you back as much and your children are paying the price, consider how to make work work for you.
The most important thing we can give our children is our time and our listening ears. They may have educational and developmental needs that require additional resources, but I assure you that you can figure out how to meet their needs while making work work for you.
We do not get time back, so make it count. Remember that the purpose of a job is to fulfill some part of us (our interests and/or passions) while also supporting us. A job shouldn’t strip us of our time and mental and emotional energy so that we have none to give to our loved ones.
Whether you celebrate Easter or not, I think of this time of year as one of renewal. If you’re at a place where you’d like to renew your relationship with work or your job, I’d love to support you on your journey.
Drop me a line.
Petrushka
**I’m looking forward to connecting with you! Subscribe to my mailing list here to be able to receive content like this.