I’m Really Only 11-Years Old
This past week, my sister asked me how things were going with our New Mom’s Group. She wondered if my feelings had changed about hosting it since I am an “older” mom now. The first group began when Nico was a month old. I shared that SHMOM alumna Kathleen had been facilitating it for the last year and that I only attend the first and last sessions for each group.
Moms from previous cohorts always seemed eager to hear my thoughts on raising kids because of my 10+ years in the game. But, I try not to adulterate their experience with my own because our paths will inevitably be different. Most importantly, I am only an 11 year old mom. Like a tween, there’s so much more for me to learn.
How SHMOMs began...I made this for our first Sugar Hill New Mom's Group and shared it on our Sugar Hill Creamery Instagram.
I have said in past SHMOM sessions that the moment you become a mother, your age resets. You spend your whole life becoming the person you are and the moment your baby enters your world, you suddenly revert to being an infant. You experience completely new emotions and must learn a new way of being. Even if you’re a teacher or someone who has spent a ton of time with kids, nothing prepares you for all that you feel when it’s your kid.
The dissonance that most of us experience is knowing that we are not, in fact, infants. We are very capable beings and yet when we meet our children for the first time, we know nothing about what it will take to raise them. It’s like being born again, but not in the religious sense.
The moment we become a mother, we’ll always be a mother. Our identity shifts forever and we must learn a new way of thinking until our last breath. Our mother-identity and maturity continue to evolve as the years move forward.
A family portrait days after Nico was born.
So, here are a few things I’ve learned on my 11-year old journey. It’s not an exhaustive list by any means and it’s not meant to be anyone else’s truth but my own.
The only thing I’m in control of is my response. I can’t control my kids. I can’t control my husband. I can only control my actions.
Routines save lives. Sleep routines, morning routines, eating routines, meeting routines, quality time routines…all the routines build trust within the family and create a container for what’s next saving time and energy.
Going with the flow is integral to surviving this parenthood gig. Routines break down. Things don’t go as planned. Knowing how to pick up the pieces and keep things moving is a life skill that will keep you going.
Your kid shows you exactly who they are the day they come into your life, but you’ll spend a lifetime understanding exactly who they are.
The way you parent one child, may not be the way you need to parent the other(s).
The best thing you can do for your child is be ready to course correct on any number of decisions you’ve made for them. You can do everything in your power to get them into the best school and once they get there, you may realize that it’s not the right school for them. As you learn who they are, new information presents itself. Take the information and course correct accordingly.
The best thing I can give my kids is my undivided attention.
Kids don’t need much more than a safe place to be their full selves. My job is to create that space.
Don’t do everything for them at the expense of your livelihood. Be true to your needs while giving them unconditional love so they know how to carry themselves when they’re your age.
Be clear about what you need to feel joy. Make sure to do those things often.
I imagine that as a 21-year old mom, I’ll probably feel like I know everything just like I did when I was 21. And, twenty more years from then I’ll probably have a more fulsome understanding about this gig called mothering.
What lessons have you learned on your journey? I encourage you to write them down if you haven’t already.
With love,
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach
P.S. If you participated in the Sugar Hill New Mom’s Group, don’t forget to RSVP to our inaugural SHMOM Reunion (if you already RSVP’d on Eventbrite).
P.P.S Our next Sugar Hill New Mom’s Group starts on May 5. Register here.