Boundaries
I'm tired. I've been running from one activity to the next for the last few months. From work to the children to my extended family, the need for my body to be in what feels like multiple places at once has taken a toll.
Often, people make comments about me doing a lot (read: too much), and my silent retort is, "How would this be avoidable with three kids?" Three children with three different sets of friends and interests is enough to make a person feel crazy... not to mention that I'm a person with my own needs and professional aspirations, and have my own set of obligations to others as their child, sister, and wife.
Ila and me at a photoshoot she was apart of earlier today
A friend just texted me while hanging out with one of our mutual friends to ask me for advice on creating a life of ease. Both friends have three kids. I laughed and responded, “We are moms of three. What is life of ease??”
Over the last year, I have been calling in more support so that everything does not fall on me. From hiring a full-time virtual assistant to seeking childcare support to pushing back on my “roommates” when they request my assistance with domestic tasks, I am keenly aware I cannot do everything that I must and desire… alone.
It’s possible I’m feeling like this because I did not take my fall retreat away from my family as I have done every school year for the last few years. In fact, I know I feel spent because I have not carved out time away to recharge and refocus.I have prioritized everyone’s needs, which has resulted in sacrificing my own.
Images from a photoshoot Ila did today for Wolf & Rita. We went to this after she ran a New York Road Runners Youth race this morning. Lolz.
I don’t share this as a cry for help or plea for your sympathy. Perpetual sacrifice is the first bullet in the Mom (and often “Being a Woman”) job description. I guess I’m sharing all of this because I’m reminding myself, and maybe you, that the solution to burnout is the reminder that setting healthy boundaries around what you take on in your life is like giving yourself a hug.
Setting boundaries with our loved ones doesn’t always feel feasible, especially while some of those loved ones are still developing motor skills. But holding the posture that you are not the end-all, be-all solution to all of your family’s needs is a way of setting a boundary. Calling in loved ones to be more self-reliant is another way of setting a boundary. And being at peace with the fact that you may hurt someone’s feelings because you can’t be there for them in the ways they need you is another way of setting a boundary.
Screenbag of text from my friend, which ended in her asking me to give them advice on how to accomplish this. I shared that they could book a group coaching session with me if they were serious. Me creating a coaching practice to support people in their life transitions was a boundary I had to create around people wanting to picking my brain all the time.
Giving yourself the proverbial boundary-setting personal hug can feel just as awkward as actually trying to hug yourself, but taking a moment to hold yourself and remember that you are deserving of protecting your energy could be the difference between your joy and your burnout.
Being honest about what is feasible for you is the greatest act of self-care.
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach
P.S. I'm trying a new way of sharing some upcoming events that may be of interest to you... check them out below!
Upcoming Events
Our next New Mom's Group starts on Thursday, October 17th! Join us or tell a friend.
A new Expecting Mom series begins tomorrow! You don't need to live in Harlem to participate. Prepare for your next identity chapter in this safe, creative space.
We'll be at Infatuation's NYC EEEEEATSCON next Saturday, October 12 and Sunday, October 13 with a special dessert collab with Cloudy Donut. It's going to be DELICIOUS!!
We’ll also be at EatOkra Culinary Creatives Conference next Sunday, October 13. Maybe see you there!