Achievement

This past week, Kathleen, a SHMOM Alumna and our SHMOM facilitator, and I were hosting the last session of the July/Aug/Sept SHMOM group. We were talking about achievement in the context of our professions and for whatever reason my mind wandered to the thought, "Our children aren't achievements."

Kathleen with our most recent SHMOM Group

I find myself surrounded by achievers and consider myself to be one as well. As an achiever, you usually set your sights on a goal and work hard to hit it. Achieving requires strategy and lots of effort. The result is the external validation of hitting our target.

Shortly after our SHMOM group ended, the kids, Nick and I headed to the airport to attend my sister's wedding in Orange County, California. Her new husband is the eldest of six children. He is followed by five sisters. And, boy are they a dynamic collection of people. I was chatting with his mother at the reception and expressing my awe of her ability to raise six people who all seem to be self-sufficient and contributing positively to the world. Towards the end of our conversation she said, "When I think about my life, I think about the fact that they are my greatest accomplishment."

There's a difference between achievement and accomplishment. Achievements are achieved with effort and skill over the short term while accomplishments are garnered through personal growth and resilience over time.

So often, we parents approach our kids like they are achievements. Maybe our parents treated us that way, too. We push our kids to accomplish whatever we have in mind for them because they represent a sort of external validation of our effort and concern for them.

My sister and her husband with his five sisters and his mom (she has the emoji crown).

The thing is, our kids are not trophies. They are humans. And, humans are dynamic. They require constant tending and no two are the same. Our kids are also not us. They are the combination of us, the other person who helped make them, possibly the influence of our partners if they weren’t part of the conception cocktail, and their environment.

I liken parenting to playing defense on a basketball court—the player dribbling the ball down the court is our child and we are constantly staying light on our toes, moving where we need to depending on the ball's direction. My point with this analogy is that as parents we have to constantly be looking and shifting our approach to supporting our kids as they grow.

The greatest challenge of this parenting gig is not forcing our kids into being something we want them to be. Rather, it's letting them grow into who they are. The latter is any parent's greatest accomplishment.

Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach

P.S. The next SHMOM Group starts on October 17th! Join us or tell a friend.

P.P.S. If you're an Expecting Mom, join the newest addition to our maternal health efforts designed and facilitated by SHMOM Alum Molly Rosner. Registrants get 25% off a future New Moms Group series.