The Value Of Self-Care
I’m taking a break from my week-prep planning meeting with myself to share this thought – find time for a mom vacation. Taking vacations and breaks in general are always hard for me. I like to go-go-go and I am not one of those people that finds joy from the trip planning process. It always feels like a chore.
But, next Friday I’ll be in Berlin enjoying child-free, partner-free girlfriend hang-out time with my two best friends. I’ll be gone for a week and honestly, I don’t think I would have planned to go had my friend in Berlin not threatened to disown me if I didn’t visit soon.
I think taking a week to go somewhere alone or with girlfriends right after the full contact sport that is summer might become my new tradition to recharge. Last fall, my sister and I took our mom to Paris for her 70th birthday and that was such a lovely trip to have with each other. I came back with ideas, more energy, and even more love for my immediate family. I am eager to see what next year will bring.
I say this to myself as much as to whoever is reading this, “We cannot show up as the best versions of ourselves as parents if we do not make deposits into our own energy tanks.”
Self-care is a must. But what does it look like for you?
My mom, sister and I last year in Paris for my mom's 70th birthday.
You may have heard me share the “make a list of 10 things you do for yourself by yourself” prompt in past new mom’s groups. My therapist told me to do this a while ago and it was hard.
The idea is that you are making sure to make a deposit into your own energy tank at least five days a week. Maybe that looks like you taking a walk, getting a manicure, or reading alone.
Whatever it is, you must first commit to declaring yourself a priority and being comfortable with how that might require your partners and loved ones to be slightly uncomfortable as they figure things out on their own.
We can liken this posture to letting our kids fumble through tying their own shoes. If you keep intervening to tie their shoes, they'll never learn. If we are always doing for our families instead of prioritizing our own care, they'll never learn how to do things without you.
So, open the calendar. Find a day, a weekend, or a week in the next one to four months where you can recharge your battery in whatever way you need to.
If you’ve never taken a moment to define what self-care means for you, complete the prompt “Self-care is…” and then make a list of at least five activities that allow you to act on the descriptions. Check out mine below.
Here's the workbook for my Mastering the Art of Work class. There will be an online community component this year that allows participants and I to connect with each other and share resources between sessions.
Self-care is…
Self-care is relaxing, high quality time with girlfriends (it's not by myself but oh well it works), good food, rest, quiet time, meditation, spending time in nature, developing myself.
My list (there are only nine items on it 😉)
Massage
Weekend brunch or time at a Korean bath with a few girlfriends
Treating myself to: a snack platter/charcuterie board with a glass of rose, really good sushi, or Ethiopian food
A night away from my family to sleep and take up the whole bed
Going to bed early to wake up early so that I can peacefully stare out of the window
Meditating before I start my day
Going to church
Taking a walk while listening to a podcast that either is teaching me something or telling me a story.
Taking an annual mom-vacation
When I return, I’ll be jumping back in the saddle to teach my Mastering the Art of Work course, which is the course about how to make a life as an adult. Our needs change as we and our children grow older. This course allows you to take the time to dream, vision, and plan for what the next chapter of life needs to be for you so that you can live as the best version of yourself not just for you, but for your kids, too.
My best,
Petrushka
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