The Way Through is Together
I hope this finds everyone well. I can’t remember if I’ve shared that last year I stepped down from my Treasurer role on our co-op board and the board for Harlem4Kids to refocus my time and energy for 2022. I’m a “joiner” to my core so it’s hard for me to say no to activities that support my respective communities. This week, our eldest daughter Ila and I focused our energies on raising money for her school through the sale of Popcorn. Yes, popcorn.
Families with two kids were encouraged to raise $2000 and families with one only child were asked to raise $1000, though several families far exceeded that number. On Monday evening when the fundraiser started I thought. “How are we really going to sell $2000 worth of popcorn in four days?” I love a challenge so we stepped up and raised $2697 thanks to family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Some of you reading this contributed because you saw my daily updates on my IG stories. Thanks to all of your support Ila’s class won for the most money raised and they will receive an ice cream party in honor of their (and their parents’) efforts. You know what ice cream they’re getting. Ha!
*Cue a shot of me serving Sugar Hill Creamery ice cream at the ice cream social that I helped secure through my popcorn selling efforts.*
It’s me. 😂
I share this story because earlier in the week I shared another story with a coaching client about two things that I did when Ila was very young that involved relying on the help of others to make our life in the city possible.
When Ila was around six months old I needed babysitting help on the weekends and some weekday evenings. At the time I was working for a small arts non-profit where my starting salary was $40,000. Maybe by the time Ila was born, they had me at $46,000. I loved the job, but I just couldn’t figure out how I’d be able to afford a consistent babysitter while also paying our $18,500 daycare bill along with my other expenses. Nick was working at Bouley as a table Captain at the time, which meant he wasn’t really available to step in. He worked many evenings and weekends. His salary was probably a little more than double of mine but I was committed to saving as much of our take home pay as possible for emergency savings and retirement not to mention my student loan repayments.
So, what was I to do?
I turned to my community of friends and trusted colleagues to help me solve for my lack of monetary resources. For everyone that I knew and trusted that told me after Ila was born that I should let them know how they could help, I put them on an email and shared that I needed help watching her. I quickly put together a childcare sign up form using Google Forms and asked folks to sign up for one shift, which ranged from five to eleven hours. You can look at this bare bones form here. Check out what people signed up for along with some of my friends’ responses to this request.
Was my request bold and unexpected? Some may say yes, but it made sense to me. Though I didn’t have the language for it at the time, I knew that where I lacked liquid assets, I could make up for it in my community assets.
A couple of years later I co-organized a babysitting co-op with a colleague to help offset the monetary burden of childcare. We wrote by-laws modeled after a babysitting co-op in Brooklyn, held monthly meetings, and exchanged childcare as our schedules permitted. We did this with 13 other families who lived in Harlem for a year.
These efforts brought me closer to families in our neighborhood and with my friends and colleagues who wanted to help. I share these thoughts because I believe this line of thinking can help us all as we parent.
You are not on this journey alone.
Asking for help that is specific and time-based has the opportunity to bring us closer together to others in our community. It also lightens our load when we need it the most.
Some of you may be cringing for any number of reasons from these two examples. I am not suggesting you replicate these childcare hacks, but more so think of the people around you that you trust as resources and assets to your life. Encourage them to think of you in the same way.
I’ll close with a passage from Miguel Melendez’s book We Took the Streets: Fighting for Latino Rights with the Young Lords,
“Often we strive for a fortune that would liberate us from want, from the shortcomings of scarcity and dependence on others. But on many occasions, success brings along a new form of deprivation.”
As we strive to earn more so we can afford more, let us not forget that we are rich in relationships. Do not forget the people around you. Do not disengage from your community. Your people are one of your most valuable assets.