Forgiveness

We just got back from Oregon this week. Now I'm in Houston for the James Beard Foundation's Women Entrepreneurial Leadership Summit. The summer hecticness is over. And so begins the fall back-to-school rush combined with the final quarter of the year busyness.

Me at lunch with some of the ladies from my WEL Cohort

Yesterday, while packing for the trip, Ila and I were talking. She expressed regret about a decision she made at camp this summer. I responded by saying that it's okay to feel bad about the decision, but that emotion should only serve as a reminder to avoid the same mistake in the future. I told her it was time to forgive herself, release the shame associated with the incident, and hold onto the experience as a learning opportunity.

Ila's inclination to hold onto the icky feeling is not uncommon. Many of us do this. We often hold onto shame because it's oddly more comforting than forgiving ourselves, learning from the experience, and moving on.

I call shame an empty calorie emotion. It's similar to empty calorie foods like donuts, chips, and candy. While comforting to our nervous system, these provide no vitamins to strengthen our minds or bodies. Don’t get me wrong…there's a time and place for empty calorie foods and emotions. But, we cannot subsist on them alone.

Me among other alumni from the program

Forgiving ourselves can be incredibly difficult. It's often easier to beat ourselves up for what we should have done rather than giving ourselves grace after a mistake.

Yesterday, we heard from keynote speaker Megan McArthur, PhD. She's an oceanographer, engineer, and NASA astronaut. She shared an important lesson that her mentor taught her: in space, you only have three seconds to feel remorse for a mistake. Dwelling longer could mean the difference between life and death. Her team couldn't afford to dwell on mistakes or shame. They had to learn quickly from errors, pivot, and execute with their new learning in mind.

For astronauts and for us, the long-term impact of shame could be detrimental. Our feelings dictate our thoughts, which in turn dictate our actions. Ultimately, these shape our beliefs about ourselves. Shame often leads to negative self-beliefs that dim our light and encourage us to hide.

This week, I encourage you to think about something you might be ashamed of and choose to forgive yourself for it. Remember: Accepting all parts of yourself is the antidote to shame.

Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach

P.S. We're launching an Expecting Moms Group designed and facilitated by SHMOM Alumn Molly Rosner. Registrants get 25% off a future New Moms Group series. Tell a friend!