Capitalism
Good evening,
About a year ago, I was talking to a friend that I’ve known for many years about all the pressures of early-COVID parenting and entrepreneur-ing. I, like so many parents, felt I was failing our children for the majority of their waking hours. I couldn’t wait for the days to end so that I could have me-time and be released from the self-imposed pressure to be delivering high quality parent-child experiences for 12 hours of the day. Her response to me was, “Girl, you are doing the best you can.” This sent me on a tear.
Someone DM'ed this to me as I was writing this email. It felt too relevant not too share.
“Doing the best you can” in relation to my capacity has always felt like an insult. In those words, I heard, “You could be doing better but you just can’t, so the shoddy job you’re doing now will just have to do.” I explained this to my friend who seemed a little taken aback by my response to her consoling words. She countered my response with an affirmation that we were (and still are) living in trying times and if there were a moment not to turn in A+ work, this was the time.
I thought about our conversation a lot after we had it. Why was I so triggered by someone telling me that I was doing the best I could? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to answer this. It’s because I didn’t feel like my good was enough.
This feeling of enoughness is one that plagues us all. Often our goals and achievements are fueled by proving ourselves to ourselves but also to people in our lives. Maybe we’re trying to prove something to our parents whether we had a close relationship with them or not. Or, maybe we live in a place that Nick and I call “Spiteville” where we prove to all our haters and enemies what we’re capable of as a form of vindication. Maybe we’re trying to prove something to our children, because there’s something unresolved about our own childhoods that we think we’ll heal through our efforts with them. Or, maybe we align our self-worth with our net worth and we feel compelled to constantly strive because of the ole capitalism machine.
My favorite video on capitalism. Watch it so you can laugh and cry in the same sitting.
Whatever the reason, feeling adequate sucks. We are enough by merely existing not to mention all of our contributions to those we love and with whom we stand in community.
If you are like last year me, know that you are enough. Doing the best you can is actually great. It means you are living life to your full potential. If you could do more you would. If you needed help doing more because it was truly necessary, you could by asking for help. Whatever you’re doing now is enough because you are enough.
Have a great rest of the weekend!
Petrushka
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