The Family Meeting
I grew up with a few things my mother and I did every week. We went to church at the butt crack of dawn on Sunday mornings. We stopped at WhatsaBagel for breakfast every morning before school. My mother prayed for me three minutes out from dropping me off at school. We would close the prayer with a call and response where she would say, “Walk with the King and be a blessing.” And I would respond, mostly grudgingly, “Salt and Light.” These were the constants in my life.
When I became a parent, my constants were mostly around bedtime. We had a *strict* night time routine that closed the day out with order. The more kids we had, the crazier this bedtime routine has gotten. At this point you can usually hear me screaming “Go to bed! Good night!!” But, I digress.
After having a conversation with my sister last summer about establishing a cadence for collective conversation in our immediate family, she suggested we start having a weekly family meeting.
I took her up on this suggestion and created a 4 C’s Agenda that we have stuck to since we started meeting last June.
I’m sharing it with you in case you want to adopt it or adapt it.
You can watch this video for a 1:00 explanation about our 4Cs Family Meeting Agenda.
Family Meeting Agenda
Objective: to establish a regular cadence for intentional conversation within our family
Compliments/Spotlights/Shout-Outs
Coming up this week/Announcements
Conversation (a topic that the kids or adults want to discuss)
Close (everyone answers a rapid fire question; it could be a would you rather Q & A or some other question)
Our meeting takes place every Wednesday at dinner. On the occasion that something is happening on Wednesday, I try my best to move the meeting to Tuesday because Nick and I have our date on Thursday and leaving it to Friday is a sure fire way for us not to meet.
Our kids know the agenda and remember when it’s Wednesday because they yell, “It’s Family Meeting Day!"
We rarely get to the conversation or closing parts of the meeting because it takes forever for our kids to shout each family member out for something. As their muscles grow, I imagine we’ll have more time for the other parts of the agenda.
Here’s my running shoutout list that I kept when we started these meetings. You’d be surprised how easy it is to forget tiny shout outs over the course of the week when you don’t have a muscle for ongoing acknowledgement for all the people in your house. The kids are still building their muscle and 2/3 of them don’t yet write with a fluency that allows them to keep their own notes. Waiting for them to shout out their siblings and parents is the longest part of our meeting, but I know the more we do it, the easier it will get for them.
Some people who grew up with family meetings only remember having them when something bad or severe was happening. Meeting regularly to acknowledge each other for something positive or admirable and to review the week ahead creates a habit of appreciation for each other and some thoughtfulness about all the things that need to happen in the week to keep the family going.
You can think of this meeting kind of like the weekly check-in that you might have with someone on your team at work, only better because you’re investing in your family.
If you have babies that don’t talk yet and you’re partnered, you could use this agenda to connect with your loved one. But, honestly, you can use this agenda to connect with anyone who is in an intentional community with you helping to raise your kids.
I’m no stranger to a work weekly check-in, but I never thought I’d facilitate a weekly meeting with my family. I’m so glad we meet now and I hope our meetings are one of the constants our kids remember.
Let me know if you end up using the agenda or some version of it.
And, if you’re looking to invest in support as you transition out of work that is not serving you (and by proxy your family) so that you can live in alignment and make long term changes to how you spend your time, money, and connect with your people, drop me a line.
With love as always,
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach