Shedding
The kids flew by themselves to California this past Monday for spring break at my sister's place. My sister has been taking such good care of them; they will almost definitely come home disappointed that the quality of life she provided them will not extend into their day-to-day lives in this house.
The kids and I at the gate before they boarded their flight to California
Nick and I have been enjoying being at home without them... we've been having a staycation of sorts... enjoying our home without the daily messes, high decibel sound levels, and the opportunity to eat dinner on the couch while watching something.
We have also been having existential conversations about who we are as a couple without their presence. It's very easy for your identity as a couple to be subsumed by the needs of your children. What happens when the rhythm of your day is no longer dictated by the demands of their school and extracurricular obligations? We've also had the opportunity to revisit what we're envisioning for the business and our lifestyles in the next few years.
The last time we had a moment like this, where the kids were gone, was 2021. It was a very different season for us in every way. We were at a different stage in our entrepreneurship journey. The kids were smaller and much more dependent. And I was super burned out from COVID parenting while working. My mom watched them for a week, and I spent that time catching up on house projects that needed to be tackled so that we could have an easier time once they returned. I think I may have spent some time hanging out with friends, but mostly I was reveling in the fact that I got to focus on one finite task at a time. I didn't have to task-shift as I had been with a four-, five-, and eight-year-old needing snacks at the same time as me needing to be on a Zoom call.
The kids being in California has marked a milestone for us all—we're at the beginning of our next chapter... more independence from each other. Nick and I have gotten a glimpse of life without tending to our children's everyday needs. We still have a little ways to go until that's really the case, but we know how quickly time will fly. And, for the kids, they've been without us for a week and, as far as I know, pretty unbothered by it.
While they've been gone, Nick and I have been doing our usual work, but with more ease. It's not COVID anymore, and we are more seasoned business owners. We've also used the time for work and home-related projects; we built a cl-office (closet office) in our production space at the store on Broadway. I’ll be leaving my home office for this space in the weeks to come. Nick was able to fix the kids' corner area at the Lenox store because it had taken a beating. And I repainted our bathroom after 12 years of living with a yellow and grey, bold, psychedelic pattern that reminded Zadie of "pee and poop."
Selfie in front of my 12-year-old “pee and poop” psychedelic bathroom backdrop
Today, on our walk home from the Lenox store, I found a dollar tucked in the corner of a tree bed, and it reminded me of the dollar I found as Nick and I walked into the courthouse to elope 13.5 years ago. I haven’t found a dollar on the street since that day. Finding it today felt like an omen for new possibilities.
With the kids being gone this week, I've felt like we've shed a layer of parental skin. We've been able to rest, re-focus, plan, work without interruption, and spend time together. It has been a reminder that the life we've built for ourselves is not at all easy. As we near the end of this time without our babies, I'm reminded that less is more. And as an old boss used to say, "simplify and synchronize." I'm trying to keep these ideas in mind as I think about resuming my part-time job as an Uber driver to and from school and all of their after-school and weekend activities.
The kids with my sister and brother-in-law at Disney Land
I'm so grateful to my sister and brother-in-law who agreed to take our kids and show them the time of their lives this last week. They created space for us to get some perspective on the way our lives are going and in turn gave us an opportunity to recalibrate for what's to come.
Raising kids alone is never easy. And while we have not had the benefit of family to help us during our day-to-day lives, we are so grateful for the family and friends who help us when they can.
Sitting in gratitude,
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach