My Mother Got Scammed Out of $15K
A month ago, my mother called me frantically to share that she believed she had been scammed out of $15,000. I asked all the clarifying questions that a daughter turned parent turned emerging out-of-state caretaker asks to confirm if the suspicions were real. They were. She really got scammed and the bank wasn’t going to give it back.
Naturally, she was devastated and embarrassed that such a thing had happened to her. I tried to explain that she is the prime target for this kind of thing and it’s happening to people in her age range everyday. The couple’s therapist that Nick and I work with said her brother who is the same age as my mom got scammed out of over $100K.
But, it’s what has happened in the last three weeks that has been remarkable to watch.
My mother, our eldest, and I chatting this past weekend on FaceTime as we do.
Since my mother’s loss, she has received just about $15K in gifts from her friends and family.
In her daily conversations with the people in her life, she naturally shared what happened to her and expressed the stress that comes with losing a meaningful amount of money. Without her explicitly asking, her community has sent her contributions in denominations that have ranged from $100 to $6000. Almost each offering was made from a place of sacrifice.
And here’s why I’m sharing this story.
Images from the last few Sugar Hill New Mom's Group, a place of initial village building among residents living Uptown. Apparently, I like taking pictures with my mouth open.
We need community. Community includes our family and friends. But community isn’t a category of people that exists because of obligation. Many of us have family that we do not consider part of our community.
Community must be cultivated. Honestly, instead of a noun, it should be a verb. We must give to our community and also take from it in order for it to be an active organism in our lives. Reciprocity is required and in order for reciprocity to have a seat at the table, we must be willing to be vulnerable…to share who we are, our thoughts, and our needs. We must also be willing to hold that space for others in our world.
My mother is my first model for being a community builder. Any ability I have in facilitating connection between people, the fluidity with which I can connect to people and people to me, I owe to her. It might be one of the most valuable things she will leave me.
If the concept of community building feels distant or you’re unsure of who would come to your rescue during a devastating time, consider the following questions:
Who do I share space and time with on a regular basis?
Am I vulnerable with these people or do I hide who I really am from them?
If I don’t feel comfortable being vulnerable, why? What am I afraid of?
Do I give generously to these groups of people?
And, do I ask for help from them?
If you are a parent, community is required. If you’re an expecting mother or know of an expecting mother living in Harlem or Washington Heights, the next New Mom’s Group that starts this Thursday. As a parent, communities often start among peers who deliver babies around the same time as you. They may not be the people you would have immediately flocked to outside of having kids around the same time, but the opportunity form deeper connections despite difference is there. Cultivate the connection.
With love,
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach