Marriage

Today is my 13th wedding anniversary. Over the last 13 years, I believe that I've evolved into a better version of myself. I can attribute some of this growth to getting wiser with age and having children, but a lot of it can also be attributed to every day negotiating and compromising with my spouse who happens to also be my business partner.

I was not a little girl who dreamed of her perfect wedding with her perfect husband. I knew that I wanted romantic partnership later in life. I assumed that the person I'd end up with would know everything about me and I would know everything about him. I assumed we'd see and approach life in the same way and that we'd raise a child or two with the same perspectives about what children needed.

Us at the Lenox store during a photo shoot couple of years ago. This picture reminds me of the happier version of the two people in the American Gothic painting. 

I did not marry the person I assumed I would. I married someone I met working in a restaurant trying to make my rent. It was not love at first sight for either of us, but as I got to know him, I saw how we were compatible... how we could build a life together.

If you know Nick, you know I married my polar opposite. I am an extrovert; he is an introvert. I am very assertive, and he is pretty laid back. I am led by goals and accomplishments, and while he is driven and has an excellent work ethic, he cares less about accomplishment for the sake of it.

There's still so much about me that I don't think he knows and yet, he understands me. I spend almost every day trying to understand him better, and the way he thinks, but I'm sure there's still so much I don't know.

A picture of us from a couple of months ago... Nick has no patience for these kinds of pictures in Times Square, no less, but he humored me because he knows pictures are very important to me.

Over the last 13 years, I have learned that marriage is hard work. I hope you know that the irony of meeting at work and being attracted to his work ethic is not lost on me.

What I know now is that marriage is not magical. It requires effort. I know I picked my right person because Nick knows how to work—both on himself and in his career.

Over the years, I've had to work on myself and how I present my ideas in heats of frustration, annoyance, and impatience. I've had to manage my desire to control him and what he does. I've had to catch myself from wanting to change the parts of him that I just don't like. I've had to integrate the idea that if you really love someone, not for what they do for you but for who they really are, you don't focus your energy on changing them. As long as your personal safety isn't compromised, genuine love means accepting someone's whole self rather than trying to mold them into your ideal.

Us making our way through Orange County this past fall for my sister's wedding.

After 13 years, I am very much still a work in progress.

The gifts that I have received from our partnership are peace about who I am and the knowledge that the only things I can control are my actions and responses. The marital lessons that I shared on our 11th anniversary remain evergreen. 

Thirteen years is a while, but it's not that long. There's still so much more self-learning ahead. But, I feel blessed to do that learning with someone who accepts and loves me despite my imperfections. 

Happy anniversary to me and Happy (almost) New Year to you! I can't wait to see what 2025 has in store for us all.

xxPetrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach