Help
Asking for help is hard for many of us. We don't want to inconvenience other people, and we certainly don't want to be judged by them.
This past week, I was working with a one-on-one client who is transitioning from a career in social justice non-profit work to writing. She was battling a summer cold that she was in denial about until it knocked her off her feet. She wanted to make some bone broth for herself to help her recovery, but she did not have the physical capacity to go to her preferred butcher for the bones.
A friend texted her on the day of our session to ask if she needed anything. My client was reluctant to be honest about what she actually needed... those bones from an out-of-the-way butcher.
She didn't want to inconvenience her friend.
I asked why she felt like being honest about her needs felt like a tall order.
Her response is her business, but how many times have we done the same thing?
Picture of my mom and me shortly after I graduated from college and was deep in my not-asking-for-help-because-I-can-live-in New-York-City-alone phase.
Our perceived worthiness of "inconveniencing" someone else is often the culprit.
When we don't ask for help, we are left to our own devices, choosing outcomes that could have otherwise been avoided.
One specific example comes to mind.
There is a small business in one of our store neighborhoods that had been talking about closing their doors after many years of operation. Their business is beloved throughout Harlem, but post-COVID sales had slumped, and the debt they took on during COVID to keep their doors open exceeded their capacity to service it. Without a conversation with their customers or extended community, they were making plans to transition out of the business.
Maybe they never made their needs known because they didn't want to burden anyone with a request to help keep their doors open.
Maybe they thought people wouldn't help.
Or, maybe they didn't want to be judged.
I'm unsure why it took one of our dedicated advocates for all things Harlem suggesting that they launch a GoFundMe page to raise necessary funds to keep their doors open, but it worked. People were more than happy to help, and I believe it was because of how much they've poured into our community over the years.
We just started serving this dairy-free soft serve out of the East Harlem store. It’s a strawberry lemon swirl and it’s delicious. More reason to come or order delivery so that we can keep this store open. Lol.
If we're asking for help more than we're giving it, it may be no surprise that folks are not as willing to help us when we need it.
If we help more than we receive because we feel bad about taking other people's help, we're certainly missing out on the community that gets created when we allow others to show up for us. My mother always says denying help is blocking that person's blessing because when we give, we ultimately also receive.
This past week, I shared with a mom friend who happens to be an East Harlem organizer and advocate that our East Harlem store is our lowest-performing store. I told her that if things don't turn around in the next six months, we may close it to focus on another neighborhood. She went into gear and started working her channels to encourage people and nearby institutions to patronize the store and I have been so grateful to receive her support.
But in the spirit of practicing what I preach, I need your help, too!
We’re hosting a “Summer is Here” party with young adult author Renée Watson, our kids school, her publisher, and Marcus Meets Malcolm on Saturday, July 20 from 10 AM to 12 PM. Hope to see you there for fun games, and a live reading with Renée!
1. We need more people to know that our East Harlem store exists and actually come in to enjoy some ice cream. If they don't want to visit, they should know that we also deliver all the way to the UES.
2. I need a new school pick up helper come fall. I'm looking for someone young, responsible, firm, but fun to pick up the trio and take them to their after school activities between 3 pm and 6 pm on most days. Know someone? Drop me a line.
3. We'd love your help spreading the word about a summer party we're hosting with the prolific New York Times bestselling author Renée Watson, her publisher, our kids' school, and Marcus Meets Malcolm on Saturday, July 20th. There will be bubbles, fruit pops, double dutch, and a live reading by Renée of one of her newest books, "Summer is Here."
Helping others and receiving help create a more connected society.
Find it hard to ask for help? Here are more thoughts on the topic that might...help.
The act of asking for help surely requires us to be vulnerable. It requires that we admit to others that we don’t have all the answers or strength at the moment. But it also weaves a thread of connection between us and our helpers, which has the potential of forming a net that can hold all of us.
Wishing you a week of abundance and vulnerability.
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach