Being
This past Thursday, I headed to DC on a 4am train to be with my mother. She had just come out of brain surgery 18 hours earlier. The need for this surgery began in 2019 while sitting in a service at my church. Attempting to read the scripture projected on the televisions screens, she realized something was up with the vision in her left eye.
Me and my mother in 2020 after her first brain surgery
After ignoring a pain in her right arm in 2003, she wound up having bone cancer, which resulted in her forearm bone being replaced with a titanium prosthesis. After this experience, she wasn't going to ignore her symptoms this time around. She called the doctor once she got back home only to learn that a pituitary adenoma was pressing on her optic nerve. Her first surgery was scheduled for January 2020. They removed most of the benign tumor through a non-invasive surgery, but it grew back. This time, her neurosurgeon was able to remove it by entering her eyebrow and she was discharged just two days later like this woman.
Leading up to this procedure, I had catastrophized every possible outcome. I was so happy to see her recovering well when I arrived. She hardly looked like she had undergone a craniotomy a few hours earlier.
Over the last few days, I've been on parent-care duty. I've been sharing health updates with her friends, fielding her calls, and putting together a social calendar so that she has friend company after I leave later this evening. My biggest concern for her is making sure she doesn't let her mind tell her that she should be doing something instead of doing nothing...especially because on the outside, save her black eye, she looks like business as usual. But, it's a mirage.
My mom earlier this afternoon enjoying some very delicious food that one of her church friends made her
Throughout my time here, I've had the urge to reorganize her pantry closet, build out our new online ordering marketplace for the stores so you can order cakes and Thanksgiving pies more easily, and help her purge all of the clothes she is not wearing in her closets. I was cautious of my computer usage because I didn't want her seeing me work on things that might make her feel like she should be working on something, too.
Doing nothing is hard for both of us. Just this last week, I was asking other school parents and our head of school during our bi-weekly parent development meeting about how they are modeling the state of "being." Existing without an agenda, a task list, or a feeling that I should always be doing something doesn't always come naturally to me now that I am a parent with limited time.
Selma, one of my friends from high school, stopped by this afternoon to visit with us!
This struggle between 'doing' and 'being' reminded me of the biblical parable of Mary and Martha. Jesus comes to the sisters' house. Mary sits at his feet to hear his teaching while Martha busies herself with tending to the space so that Jesus could feel more comfortable.
In my day-to-day, I'm Martha all the way. But I am actively trying to channel my inner Mary so that I can enjoy the here and now of my life; this last week that was time with my mom.
Petrushka
Your Local Ice Cream Lady & Life/Business Coach